My Delivery Story

It has been nearly two months since my last post. My new baby girl sure is keeping me busy. I gave birth to her in mid October, three days before my scheduled induced labour. I was a week overdue and she was showing no signs of coming out at all. I had mild contractions three or four days before I delivered her on Thursday, the 13th. The contractions weren't that bad, Alhamdulillah. Although it was my third pregnancy, but it was almost six years ago since I had my last baby, so I was a bit rusty and I had long forgotten what contractions really feel like. I had at least one false alarm. Went to the hospital one night and was later sent back home soon. That was embarrassing.

In the meantime, I did my daily CTGs every morning. I was told that I could just stay at the hospital until my induced date so I don't have to worry much. But the idea of just waiting unknowingly and  simply being away from my two kids is a big No-No.

It was a Thursday night, right after everybody went to bed when I felt the contractions. Although I had felt them earlier during the day, yeah, I was at IKEA with my parents, when I felt them. I knew, the contractions were different than before. The type of contraction that stops you from doing anything, that just bugs you and doesn't seem to go away. Deep down I was telling myself, 'This is IT' but I didn't tell my parents or call my husband because I knew he would straight away rush me to the hospital. Perhaps another false alarm. But that night, the contractions were stronger and longer. I waited for a good half an hour before I decided to wake my husband up and even then I wasn't too sure of going to the hospital. I am glad my very persistent husband forced me to go or I might have ended up giving birth at home instead.

Luckily my parents were at our house visiting since Monday, so we could leave the kids with them. It was one in the morning, the road was cleared, so we reached the hospital within 10 minutes. It could be way earlier if not because of the police roadblock. We were nearing the hospital when I didn't feel any pain  at all. I thought of turning back but my husband stopped me of course. And right when we parked our car at the emergency entrance, I felt one long, sharp contraction and looked at my husband and of course he was staring at me with his I-told-you-so face.

So I was told that I was already 3 cm dilated. Since I didn't want any painkillers, the midwife asked me to get as much sleep as possible as I might be delivering sometime after Subuh. I did not get to sleep much and at about 3 plus am, I felt a strong urge to push. Woke my husband up who was sleeping next to me, had to yell at him to call the midwife since he was a bit groggy. At that time I was 7 cm dilated. Then, things were kind of fast forwarded for me. My gynae came probably 10-15 mins later. Honestly I don't know, as it felt like ages. And I was trying so hard not to push the baby out until my gynae came. She had to rupture the sac and seconds later, one long push, and my baby girl was out. It felt so surreal. But my husband and I were so happy and relieved. At last, we could hold her in our arms and kiss her to our hearts content. It was an amazing experience having AM and AZ and we could not be more grateful to be able to relive it again. Welcome to the world!!

And then there was the night wake up call.😂

40 Weeks and Still Pregnant

Yup..Today is my due date and I am still very much pregnant. I know I shouldn't worry much but why everything seems to be stressing me out. My gynae is giving me another 7-9 more days before we opt for induce labour (and I pray really hard that we don't come to that as I want this pregnancy to be as natural as possible). 

During my last visit, the baby was doing fine. The fluid looked clean. She didn't poop yet so that was a relief. Tomorrow I'll be starting my daily ctg to monitor the baby's health plus my usual physio which means I will be going to KL every single day. Haishh. Anything for the baby. 

I feel so heavy right now. I'm trying so hard to keep my mind away from thinking too much. So far, walking seems to help a lot. Try to do the most of the ante-natal exercises as much as I can. I watch movies, read books, clean the house, window shopping....anything...just so I can kill time.

Drama Melayu Sekarang

 There is something really disturbing about the quality of Malay drama nowadays. It is worrying up to the point of I am banning the kids from ever watching them. Why? Because of these reasons....

1. The reflections of the Malay society.

Balik-balik cerita Datuk, Dato', Tan Sri, Datin-datin. They are the extremely rich Malays, who live in big bungalows, drive super cars, wear expensive clothes and dine at luxurious restaurants. They have nothing to do but force their children into marrying other anak Datuk so they can save the company or something of that sort. Memang memanjang jela storyline tak berubah. Macam orang Melayu kejenye dekat office je, anak datuk, waris syarikat mak bapak. What about those from other line of works? There are also Malays that work as doctors, firefighters, nurses, lawyers, engineers, shopkeepers, salesman, clerks, etc. And even if the characters came from these various backgrounds, you will be amazed at how little did the scriptwriter made his/her research on the characters job scope alone. Then, tertanya-tanya, eh ade ke doktor perangai macam tu? or cikgu apa ajar macam tu? Kalau engineer or architect tu balik-balik with the yellow hat, bukak plan and tunjuk itu-ini dekat site. 

Credit: Buasir Otak

2. Force marriage

I don't deny that this happened in the society. But to have that shoved in your throat every single time a new drama comes out is a bit too much. I mean come on. Parents nowadays are more open minded so why don't you portray that too. Ok lagi kalau force marriage or arranged marriage sebab atuk/nenek tinggal wasiat or nak selamatkan bisnes or sebab nak suruh anak kahwin dengan ustaz ke but what about cerita pasal those who were forced into marriage sebab she was raped or tangkap khalwat. Now, that sure open a big can of worms. Why? What are they suggesting? Is it ok for you to be married to people who raped you because at the end of the day, they will fall in love and live happily ever after. No, it is not ok and I don't want the younger generations to ever feel that it is such a righteous act. 

3. The dominant male 

Bila kene kahwin paksa, look at how the male characters in the drama treat their wives. They use harsh words, aku kau dengan bini, derogatory remarks like bodoh, bongok etc, ask their wives to do things against their will tapi sebenarnya sayang. And the wives pun ikut je, pasrah like they don't have voices at all. The female characters look so weak and helpless, which is why I don't want my daughter to ever watch these dramas at all. Heck,, I don't even want my son to ever feel that it is ok to ever disrespect women like that at all.

4. Same storyline

Bila dah baik laki bini, then adalah orang ketiga keempat. They are either their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, their officemates etc. The exes then berkomplot nak rampas balik ex masing-masing. Yang laki bini pulak tak trust each other. Then, adelah pelbagai coincidence mcm the next point ni which brings conflict to their relationship, again. Nak bercerai bagai. And you, as the audience will be like, apa yang susah sangat, be frank je lah with each other.

5. Coincidence?

Banyak sangat coincidence nye? I mean, Malaysia might be a small country, tapi tak pelik ke setting kat KL tapi boleh pulak terjumpa bini dengan ex pakwe dekat Langkawi tengah makan. Or bini terjumpa laki dekat shopping mall tengah jalan dengan officemate. Tahu tak berapa banyak kedai dekat Pavillion or Mid Valley tu?

I truly believe that there are a lot of scriptwriters out who are truly honest and serious in their work. They wanted to present Malaysia as it truly is but they were not given the right incentives.Please lah stop adaptasi dari novel-novel ni and janganlah mimpi terlanggar dengan anak-anak datuk yang hensem dekat kedai kopi, kahwin, gaduh and live happily ever after. Cinta tak semudah itu.

Child Sexual Abuse

 I am having trouble sleeping after following the recent sexual abuse claim  involving a minor. The case has been getting public attention as it happened in a maahad tahfiz owned by a celebrity ustaz and one of the perpetrators is the ustaz's son. The parents of the said victim have contacted the school but they were told that they shouldn't trust their own kid. Feeling helpless the parents contacted Wardina Safiyyah and Syed Azmi, both are very vocal about kids sexual abuse cases and through FB, the case went viral and people start paying attention. You can google if you want to know more about the case.

I am not here to take sides since the case is still under investigation. But reading the comments really break my heart. Why? 

1. The blame the victim game. Accusing them of slander and trying to tarnish the ustaz's name. Saying things like the kids have discipline problem, but even if it is true, will that justify the heinous crime made against the kids?
2. The netizens who are still saying things like the issue should be made silenced in the name of religion. Haven't they heard sexual abuse cases involving the church before? How is this different? 
3. Those who are sharing their sexual abuse stories and how it affected their lives even when they are all grown-ups.

We need to educate the kids. They need to know how they can prevent it from happening. What we can do is:

1. Talk to them about their body parts and make them identify their private parts. Tell them that only you (mom/dad) can see them naked. People outside the house can never see them naked except the doctor and even then, mommy and daddy need to be there with them.
2. Teach them that no one can touch their private parts. Tell them also that they can't touch people's private parts.
3. Explain to them that they should run, scream and quickly inform other grown-ups if they feel that they have been violated.
4. Tell them that they will never be in trouble if they share anything with you because most perpetrators will use threats and secret-keeping to ensure the kids keep quiet about the abuse.

As parents, we need to listen to our kids and we need to be aware of any changes with our children, no matter how small they are.

The Danger of Online Shopping

Don't you just hate it when you got this in your mails?

Yes, I'm guilty of spending hours browsing through the dresses and pants and scarves and bags and then putting them all in my cart with the intention of hmmm...I'm probably going to purchase all of them....NOT. And just like that I logged out. And I forget about them until I receive mails saying things like:

YOU LEFT YOUR SHOPPING BAG BEHIND

Don't worry we saved it for you! Take 15% off and grab it now!

or

 

HI. YOUR SHOPPING BAG IS WAITING!

or

 

YOUR SHOPPING BAG ITEMS ARE ON SALE 

or

HI. WE MISS YOU!
Have you seen our latest styles?

It is complete torture. Now, I have to go back and browse through all over them again. I'll probably buy them and other stuff as well just so I don't have to be reminded time and time again that I made the wrong decision of putting items in the cart and not buying them. And now that the items are on sale, what's the harm in buying them, right? 

Thanks, but no thanks.

I Yelled at My Son

Have you ever had a day where everything, everything went completely wrong? Yesterday was that day for me. I woke up in the middle of the night for my routine toilet break and noticed blood spots on my underwear. Since, this was not my first incident, there were no reasons for me to be alarmed. I laid down and did the kick counts and I just knew that I was probably too tired from the other day. I decided to put aside all my plans for that day and try to get as much rest as possible.

With that being said, I still need to send AZ to school and AM to his class. Since AM is still on his school break, I decided to enrol AM to a 5-day programme where he will learn some sort of survival skill in a jungle near KL with four other kids. There is an orang asli who will be their guide and teach them all these interesting activities. I just have to pick up the kids at their respective schools at 3 pm. Ample time for me to rest....or so I thought.

I received a call at 12 pm from AM's teacher telling me that AM has been misbehaving. She was being all nice about it asking me whether AM had a different expectation about the program. Of course I said no, telling her that AM was so excited about it as he loves everything related to nature. After that conversation, there was no way I could go back to rest and came 3 pm, you bet, I was already at the front gate of the school, waiting.

I interrogated AM and yup, I snapped. I yelled at him. I knew I shouldn't do that. I wish I didn't let my emotions took control over me but I was really mad at him. Although the teacher explained that AM might have been misbehaving because he was playing with the other kid, but I just blocked everything out. It didn't help either when I learned from his story how he was being disrespectful to everybody. Oh, he had his punishment I tell you. And later that night, I let The Dad took over because I knew if it was me, nothing good will come out of it. I was just too tired and too stressful to begin with. AM apologized to me before going to bed that night and this morning he seemed to forget everything that has happened yesterday. He gave me his usual morning hugs and greeted me with his widest smile ever.....which made me feel more guilty. Children are so forgiving, don't you think?

I am such a bad mom. Haishh.