I Yelled at My Son

Have you ever had a day where everything, everything went completely wrong? Yesterday was that day for me. I woke up in the middle of the night for my routine toilet break and noticed blood spots on my underwear. Since, this was not my first incident, there were no reasons for me to be alarmed. I laid down and did the kick counts and I just knew that I was probably too tired from the other day. I decided to put aside all my plans for that day and try to get as much rest as possible.

With that being said, I still need to send AZ to school and AM to his class. Since AM is still on his school break, I decided to enrol AM to a 5-day programme where he will learn some sort of survival skill in a jungle near KL with four other kids. There is an orang asli who will be their guide and teach them all these interesting activities. I just have to pick up the kids at their respective schools at 3 pm. Ample time for me to rest....or so I thought.

I received a call at 12 pm from AM's teacher telling me that AM has been misbehaving. She was being all nice about it asking me whether AM had a different expectation about the program. Of course I said no, telling her that AM was so excited about it as he loves everything related to nature. After that conversation, there was no way I could go back to rest and came 3 pm, you bet, I was already at the front gate of the school, waiting.

I interrogated AM and yup, I snapped. I yelled at him. I knew I shouldn't do that. I wish I didn't let my emotions took control over me but I was really mad at him. Although the teacher explained that AM might have been misbehaving because he was playing with the other kid, but I just blocked everything out. It didn't help either when I learned from his story how he was being disrespectful to everybody. Oh, he had his punishment I tell you. And later that night, I let The Dad took over because I knew if it was me, nothing good will come out of it. I was just too tired and too stressful to begin with. AM apologized to me before going to bed that night and this morning he seemed to forget everything that has happened yesterday. He gave me his usual morning hugs and greeted me with his widest smile ever.....which made me feel more guilty. Children are so forgiving, don't you think?

I am such a bad mom. Haishh.